


confusion

by aliceandme



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BBC, Doctor John Watson, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, POV John Watson, POV Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 23:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17477279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceandme/pseuds/aliceandme
Summary: Sherlock is confused. He can´t concentrate anymore. Is john the cause?





	confusion

pov. John

"John, bring me my tea.", I heard Sherlock behind me, "Can’t you do something yourself?", annoyed, I gave him his cup. "Just take a break, you worked the whole night through, that's not very healthy." The big detective just looked at me amused, "A break my dear docter? I can’t stop now, I'm about to solve the case." I just rolled my eyes and sat back on the sofa and peacefully reading my newspaper. I was really worried about him, this case was pretty busy, almost more than many others. He refuses my help. He didn’t sleep, he didn’t eat and he barely spoke to me. He only uses his soft, dark voice to treat me like his servant. „Bring me my tea“, „Just give me that document“. I was tired of it.

I looked over at him. He just sat in the chair, only his dark blue dressing gown covering him and his beautiful, dark curls ... "Is anything?" I stared at him, stunned. "I can not concentrate if you watch me, look elsewhere." "Uh, sorry." My eyes returned to the newspaper. Yes, I literally hid behind it. Damn it was embarrassing. I would like to sink in the ground. My cheeks were getting warmer, if not hot. I should distract myself. However, there was hardly anything interesting in the newspaper.

pov. Sherlock

I felt his eyes on me. I suddenly got warm. It drives me crazy. I had lost all concentration when he entered the room. He thought I was still working on the case, but I had finished it last night. It was not a serious case. But since then I have been able to devote myself to something completely different. Why does John make me completely lose my mind? Is he doing it on purpose? I do not understand any of this. Mycroft would laugh at me, probably he would tell me how pathetic I was. I do not have my thoughts under control.

I drank a sip of the tea for the first time. For unexplainable reasons, it tasted horrible today. Like swapping the sugar with the salt. I can´t concentrate. What's up with John? Again he looked over to me for a moment, what does he want from me? Maybe John will look at me often, but I did not notice. Maybe that´s something friend do. But why is it only now that I notice? My head hurts. I lay awake all night. Because of him. I can not do this anymore. I need help. But there´s no one who will understand me. Only…. the only person whose mind is as complex as my own. I actually consider considering asking my brother for advice. How did I get to this point? I would never, never really ask my brother for advice. But what´s when this is the only way?

I want a clear mind. I stood up. I put on something decent and stripped my coat. „Where are you going?“, John asked me. „I go… away.“ I was really out of the apartment, I need a clear head. I almost stumbled on the stairs. Once outside, the cold air immediately fell around me. My breath froze. Luckily I did not have to wait long and got a taxi. I quickly sat down. The ride was quiet, but something bothered me. My eyes were burning. I stroked her cheek, she was wet. Why should I do that now ...? I quickly wiped all the tears from my face. I smiled slightly at the thought of what John would say if he could see me like this. I could feel like a normal person. I sighed. John. I told the taxi driver he should stop. After I got out and paid. I want to walk along the Thames. It was cold. I forgot my scarf. It is at John. I need to think about something else.

John: _When are you coming home?_

I can´t think about something else. Should I answer? I typed in my answer. I put it out again. I can not write that. I typed again.

Sherlock: _I am not sure about it. Maybe I can never go home again. Oh I forgot._

Sherlock: _SH_

John: _Are you at the outside? It´s cold. You forgot your scarf. Oh John._

Sherlock: _I know. Your not my mother. SH_

Oh god. What have I done? I´m out of my mind. I need to ask my brother for an advice. As sad as it is. I´m really out of my mind. I quickly let my phone slide back into my coat. Back on the main road I took the next taxi and drove to my brother. I hope he is already at home.

We were there. I´m afraid. What is if he is laughing at me?I made my way to the door. The bell was cold when my finger touched it. I heard footsteps and the door was opened. Mycroft stared at me in shock, but also amused. "Brother mine, what brings you to me, may I ask you to come in ?" "Yes, I can not go on ..." ".... and then you come to me? Since when do you need my advice?" Slowly I went in with him.

pov. John

Sherlock. He was gone. He was often away, but why didn´t I care? I hope he comes back soon. And why does not he take me with him? He often goes without me. But i dont want that. And why does not he take me with him? Oh, he forgot his scarf. I'm confused. It would be all right if he were here and not there. Wherever he is. Would he be here with me. I sighed. I should distract me. Stop thinking something like that. After all, we are only work colleagues. And roommates. And maybe friends too. Can you be friends with Sherlock Holmes? I should really deal with more important. With.... Maybe there is nothing besides him... I should text him. John: When are you coming home? He read it. He types and types and…

Sherlock: _I am not sure about it_.

Sherlock: _SH_

I typed in: _Come back soon. No. I deleted the message again._

John: _Are you at the outside? It´s cold. You forgot your scarf._

God. That sounds very dump.

Sherlock: _I know. Your not my mother. SH_

What? Okay… yes I need tot hink about something else. I layed my phone back on the desk. We have it now 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Maybe I should go out a little bit, too. In the park or in an aquarium.

pov. Sherlock

We were sitting on the sofa. Silence. Unpleasant.

„Sherlock you need to speak to me. What is your problem?“ I stared at him. „It´s… it´s complicated. I...“ „I can´t help you if you don´t speak to me, little brother.“ I shivered slightly. „It´s because of John… I can not concentrate anymore when I'm near him. I have to think of him all the time. And I get so hot when he looks at me. It´s so confusing. I… I don´t know what to do…“

At first he looks, but now he just looks at me smiling. He knows the solution. Does he? What if not? What should I do then? "I thought that would happen sometime, Brother mine. **You love him**. Simple." He did not smile meanly, he smiled sweetly, lovingly, it took me some time to realize what he said, I'm supposed to love John Watson? „Completely impossible, I always tried to get rid of all feelings, you are too Just chemical reactions.“ "Don`t look that way, Sherlock."

He hugged me gently with his hand, which he used to do when I was a kid, when I was I cried, "How can that be?" I asked him My voice was not firm and strong anymore But here I felt safe and secure "You have to find out for yourself" he whispered to me. I like John. Maybe I like him more, maybe I like him a really lot, maybe… I was getting tired in his arms, I just wanted to sleep, one last thought had room. John.

Pov. John

No matter where I was. I just thought about him.

Sherlock. Sherlock. Sherlock.

My thoughts were full. I was in the park, it was way too cold outside. I was in a coffee, but the cake did not taste. Now I'm in the cinema. The movie is not really interesting. I just randomly took one. I did not understand the action anyway. Maybe because something else took my mind completely. Only 2 minutes left. Then I could finally go. Then I could go home. Hopefully Sherlock is back. I do not want to worry again. I worry all the time. It's certainly already dark outside. I looked at screen one last time. There was a happy ending. The two were kissing each other. This kiss. At that moment, it shot like lightning through me.

**I love Sherlock Holmes.**

I could have screamed it all over the cinema. I love Sherlock Holmes. Terrified by such a statement, I got up. Everyone else was still sitting, watching the credits. I had to get out of here. Sherlock is …cold. This love will never, never be returned. Almost in panic, I ran out of the cinema. It was cold outside. It took me a few minutes to calm down. My heart beat. It hit way too fast. If I go back to Bakerstreet now ... Okay. John Watson You have been abandoned by many women, your heart has been broken too often. That's what you survive now too. The thought was good, unworkable, but good. I was on my way home now, it was already dark.

pov. sherlock

I woke up again. I was still lying on the sofa mycroft was gone. But there was a blanket above me. The blanket was really warm. Slowly I straightened up. On the table a message: I had to go, I have an appointment. Sorry. Take care of yourself little Brother. Mycroft. I did not think he could be as nice as he used to.

I looked at the clock. It was now 2 o'clock in the morning. I should go home now. John. Yes, John is definitely home. I slowly got up and took my clothes. Outside, I closed the door. On the way I got something to eat and clarified by phone Lestrade on the solution of the case. Unfortunately, I was there at some point. At the Bakerstreet. My heart was racing. I felt it beating all over my body.

I opened the door. I quietly go up the stairs. I stopped in front of the apartment door. My heart almost killed me. I …Gently, I opened and entered. John lay on the sofa and slept. He looked adorable. His hair, his face and his delicate hands. Slowly I take of my coat. Without me looking away from him. I approached him.

His lips. They look so wonderfully soft and tender. Whether they really are? Should I try it? I know he would hate me if he wake up.

I knelt down in front of him. My heart was still beating so loud. I hope he does not wake up. I looked at him. Yes, I wanted to kiss him. Now. Slowly, I put my lips on his. I had never kissed anyone. But now I wondered why. His lips touch mine, they were very warm. God I´m in heaven. It was so tender and soft. I could melt.

John open his eyes slowly. I backed away. „What…“ „I…only…sorry…“ A hot tear ran down my cheek. He looked at me. He was shocked and I cryed more. „John please … say something.“ He sat up and squatted next to me. John put his hand to my cheek. He gently strokes my tears away. But I couldn´t stop crying. „Shh, everything is okay.“ He huged me. „Oh, John“, I whimpered, „ **I love you**.“ He held me firmer.

pov.John

He said he loves me. Sherlock Holmes loves someone. No not someone. Me! „Sherlock.“, I looked into his eyes. „ **I love you,too**.“

.

.

.

„Than please…kiss me again.“

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it.  
> lot of love, alice


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